Admittedly, the clever connotations of the Butterface lose a bit of their luster when referencing the dudes. This was much harder than I expected it to be, actually, but I still managed. Oh yes, I managed.

Before you stick it to me, a few words: Michael Jackson is scary but cannot be on the list because his white alien body is as frightening as his face; Benicio del Toro gets an honorable mention, but does not qualify because unfortunately, he keeps his body much more covered than his Wookie face; and three, Vin Diesel was going to be here but I was worried about death threats.

That being said, I leave you with the butter boys -

Butterface #1: Ed Norton

Ah, that nerdy little face — and yet he’s got the gumption to pull off the Hulk and a neo-Nazi curbstomper — plus there’s a scene in Death to Smoochy that made me understand how you could become a mascot groupie. In truth — and here’s the big secret, guys — most girls dig Ed because he’s got the smooth body/nerdchic face combo going on.

Butterface #2: Adrien Brody

Somehow, he makes the Eastern European thing work for him. Maybe it’s because he gives off that brooding, moody artist vibe — but the fact still remains: the body’s perfect, buttisface — good thing he’s charming.

Butterface #3: Matt Damon

His face … gives me the creeps. It always has. It’s somewhere between girl-pretty and sexual deviant — like you expect him to troll playgrounds with Lemonheads in his pocket or something. I think it’s the mouth — and that everloving smirk that he seems to think is so sexy. I guess it’s a face only Ben Affleck could love.

Butterface #4: Owen Wilson

I don’t think … do I really need to say anything? He’s got a baked potato for a nose — and his smirk is worse than Matt Damon’s by far. It’s so smug, so superior, rather like his acting. His body’s not that great either, but in the ratio of body to face, well. Neck-down wins.

Butterface #5: Kevin Bacon

Okay, like anyone cares what Kevin Bacon looks like. He’s got one of those creepy pervert faces too, and six degrees is never enough separation. However his body’s still in good shape for an older guy, and hey, he had the balls (ahem) to flash his junk in Wild Things, so yay Kevin.