I am intrigued by the butterface. You know — “Her body’s sick, dude, butterface … brrr!” So I compiled my very own top 5 list — for girls and guys, ’cause I believe in equality.

My butterface criteria is from a girl’s perspective so it’s admittedly harsh — seriously harsh. But I stand behind each and every one of them, and I promise, I’m not going to be any less hard on the guys.

Warning: Some of these choices may be extremely unpopular. So come on, let’s go toe to toe -

Butterface #1: Charlize Theron

Number one on this list thanks to her piggish, pug nose and the fact that her mouth reminds me of Philip Seymour Hoffman at his creepiest. Plus what’s with the perpetual squint? Smoking from the neck down though.

Butterface #2: Kirsten Dunst

It’s her snarky, kittenish little face. That wasn’t even cute when she was a pint sized blood sucker. I just … ugh. The super slim body saves her though.

Butterface #3: Paris Hilton

Two words: lazy eye. And the nose. And the face in general. Again, the haute couture body saves her.

Butterface #4: Jessica Simpson

Jessica gets her fabulous fourth place finish thanks to the fish mouthed pout, the scary eyebrows, the weird nose, and the sin of pumping that same mouth full of collagen trying to look cute. But well, she was Daisy Duke — and even her dad likes her boobs.

Butterface #5: Rumer Willis

Why can’t she look more like her mom? Seriously, what’s wrong with her face? Demi Moore is gorgeous, and I’m sorry but there’s something hot about Bruce Willis too. Yet — this is their progeny. And hi, sweetheart, but you did not inherit the G.I. Jane gene.