In what might be the greatest Simpsons episode ever made, Homer gains disability by becoming morbidly obese and no longer has to work. It turns out I wasn’t the only one paying attention.

A woman in Texas, where everything really IS bigger, is using the same ploy to dodge murder charges that were laid against her after she killed her two year old nephew by repeatedly hitting it. Apparently Mayra Rosales weighs close to a thousand pounds, and can’t fit through a doorway to get out of her house, let alone be held in county jail, where she would surely die. Officials are at wit’s end in trying to decide how to properly deal with the situation. Her sister, Jaime Rosales, who is not a whale, is being held on $100,000 bail on charges resulting from leaving the child alone with her crazy house-sized sibling.

So kids, if you ever murder somebody, just gain 800 pounds and there is nothing they can do but wait till your fat ass dies.

P.S. If I’m Jaime Rosales, I pay the 100 grand, bust out the joint, head to the nearest Carls Jr. and lace some cheeseburgers with rat poison. Case closed.