Ass cancer. It’s no joke. It’s not funny, man. So when you see an ad, featuring a little boy saying that he’s “dumbfounded,” because he somehow managed to get colon cancer while he’s basically still a fetus, your first instinct is to go, “Awww … the poor fetus has ass cancer!” And then you become dumbfounded, because the little guy caught the cancer from … hot dogs! The phallic shaped foodstuff of America itself! So you could have the ass cancer too, couldn’t you?

No. No, because the anti hot dog, pro ass cancer commercial just put out by “The Cancer Project,” was a big, fat lie. None of the kids in the ad even have cancer. The society is standing behind their ad, but even the American Cancer Society says it’s so much fecal matter and blasted the campaign for the kind of scare tactics that will ultimately make kids think they’re going to get cancer if they eat a cafeteria hot dog.

Honestly, at least the ASPCA commercial that makes me cry like a little bitch every time I see it has animals that have really lost eyes and junk. So watch this commercial. Memorize what these little ass nuggets look like. And if you ever see them on the street, throw hot dogs at them.

Brace yourself for this blinding B.S., -