Just in case you were wondering - this is how the first pregnant man’s baby looks like. It’s not like it’s an alien or something, but hey - Brangelina’s baby pictures were sold for lotsa millions, and they have like..8 right now?

This is the real thing - Thomas Beatie’s baby. I wonder how much they paid for that..

Right smack dab in the middle of Bat-mania, the star of The Dark Knight, Christian Bale, is facing assault charges from his mother and sister, stemming from an incident at the Dorchester Hotel just prior to the film’s European premier.

This story is so twisted I don’t even know what to say. All I know is, when I fight my mom and sister, there is no eye-gouging, no hair-pulling, no shots to the reproductive organs, and no police-calling. I think these people just need some simple ground rules before they decide to have the next Bale family Wrestlemania in an upscale hotel room.

A judge announced today that Britney Spears would hand over full custody of her children to their father, Kevin “The Dreamweaver” Federline, for a period of eighteen months.

My list of people to call and babysit my kids looks something like this:

1. Suzie
2. Katie
3. Charles Manson
4. Jeffrey Dahmer
5. A cougar
6. Britney Spears

Mena Suvari, of American Pie and American Beauty fame, has decided to marry her music producer boyfriend, Simone Sestito.

Sources close to the couple say there is no date set, and they are taking their time planning the wedding.

Sources not close to the couple are wondering if Mena Suvari will ever be in a popular movie without American in the title, and are also curious about the name Simone. Girls name? Discuss.

Pictures of the happy couple below.

Al Reynolds, who loves the cock, has made an interview available on Youtube in which he confesses to still loving Star Jones and occasionally wearing his wedding ring, even though the two are on the brink of finalizing their divorce. Reynolds, who reports say is enamored with penises, insists the interview is in no way being used to promote his soon to be released financial help book.

Who gives a fuck about any of these people. If Star Jones died right now there would just be more potato chips left on the planet for the rest of us, and the loss of her passing gas might just be enough to tip the scales and cure global warming.

There is no video of the interview because Al Reynolds loves the cock.

Sasha Baron Cohen, AKA Borat, AKA Bruno, AKA Funniest Motherfucker on the Planet, and his fiancee, Isla Fisher AKA That Girl in Wedding Crashers, have again postponed their wedding, but this time it has nothing to do with their busy work schedules. Apparently, Isla hasn’t quite fully converted to his religion of Judaism, and hasn’t been able to complete her Torah studies which are a requirement.

What the fuck is wrong with Isla Fisher? You’re engaged to a guy who is about to become the biggest star on the planet and you can’t read a book? I’m sure it’s a challenging and time consuming rite, but my thirteen year old cousin got it done, so what’s the hold up? Her only excuse should be that secretly she can’t read.

If Sasha gets depressed because he has the dumbest gf on the planet, he can just look at these.

More Isla Fisher (more…)

I watched Hellboy II today and it made me wonder how the fuck Selma Blair became famous. Despite her reasonable appearance in this movie (maybe a seven), she isn’t hot at all. Her best acting turn came in Cruel Intentions when she french kissed Sarah Michelle Gellar Prinze Jr. The Vampire Slayer, and neither of her parents are famous. So what the hell?

Then I started thinking about cats, and how if I could devise a way to keep them kitten sized then I could make a fortune. Everybody loves kittens, and they are so much smaller and you could save a ton of money on food.

Then I started thinking about Selma Blair again, mostly because her twenty foot likeness was surrounded by flames on a giant screen in front of me, and for some reason I started to wonder how old she was. When I checked later, the answer made me drop my last pudding pop. If you’re reading this, and I know you are, you owe me a pudding pop Selma Blair.

Find out how old Selma Blair is (more…)

Or is it just the fact that she has no make up on..?

Well I don’t know if these pictures of Celine Dion wearing a bikini are sexy, but I’m pretty sure we rarely see her like this - whether it’s good or bad - you decide for yourself.

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First of all, face tattoos are amazing. They say ‘hey world, I’m so fucking crazy I have a tattoo on my face, so back the fuck off’. So naturally Mike Tyson, a certified maniac, has one, and it’s badass.

Anyways, the former heavyweight rapist champion of the world has found himself in some legal trouble recently, when he was named as a financier in a murder for hire investigation in the Bedford-Stuyvesant area of New York.

I for one don’t buy it. You can’t honestly expect me to believe that a man who ripped another’s man ear from his head with his teeth, beat the shit out of Robin Givens on a regular basis, and a convicted rapist, would pay to have another man killed. That’s absurd. Next you’re gonna tell me cigarettes are bad for me and staring at the sun will make me go blind. Ridiculous.

OK, so she’s nothing like those young sexy beach girls, but you gotta admit she’s got her own appeal. Happy Independence Day America!

She must have stolen the secret potion from Lance Armstrong’s one magical nut and implanted it in her very average looking tits, cause Cynthia Rodriguez is maybe a seven out of ten, and A-Rod makes more money than a mint on a yearly basis He also has that whole light eyes, dark skinned, mulado thing going on for him, that women just gobble up like cake on the last day before a diet.

I guess the slugger has a thing for frosty old white bitches with rusted and used private parts, and if so, he is definitely upgrading with Madonna, who recently had her poon mistaken for a ‘78 Buick.