I don’t know how Elita Loresco slipped by me. The Filipina bombshell currently works for KNBC in Los Angeles, and actually won a sexiest newscaster competition held by FHM. She also won the tri-annual How Fast Can You Make it Hard? competition hosted by my boner.

The best Elita Loresca pictures are after the jump (more…)

The sculpture pictured above, titled Zuerst Die Fuesse (Feet First) depicts a frog, crucified, holding a beer mug in one hand, and an egg in the other, and has drawn the ire from Catholic leaders, including The Pope himself. An Italian museum in Bolzano has refused to remove the piece of art despite The Vatican labeling it as blasphemous garbage. The Pope is on vacay so he didn’t respond directly, but one of his cronies issued a statement on his behalf saying the piece was trash and offended all Catholics.

P.S. The artist, Martin Kippenberger has been dead for eleven years.

It’s nice to see that the leaders of the world’s most practiced religion (some say it’s Muslim but who’s counting right?) are tackling the hard hitting issues, like drunken cartoon frogs nailed to crosses that were made over a decade ago by some long dead German hack. It’s stories like this that seriously make me consider giving up Shatnerology and converting.

Guess what today is? It’s Michael Jackson’s birthday! I know, I don’t care either, but let’s pretend for a minute because I have a rant. See, I resent all these people accusing MJ of being a pedophile.

…clearly, he’s actually a cougar. He’s paid a lot of money to turn from a black man into a white woman, I think he deserves a little credit. (Yes, thank you, that was heavily tongue in cheek. /joke.)

Anyway, the whole reason for this is that, in celebration of Michael hitting the big 5-0, I found something interesting. I can’t decide if it’s funny or creepy so I thought I would share it. It proves that he has not been looking in the mirror — for at least 30 years. Get a bucket, it’s coming up (more…)

Today is a sad, sad day for me — but a great, great day for guys. ’cause guess what, fellas? There are girls out there willing to … “barter” the goods to get any little thing they want. Case in point? This college student, down in Brazil. She was so desperate to take a tour of the Amazon jungle that she hypnotized a Brazilian waiter — with her vay-jay-jay, you are getting very randy — into taking her. And he did. So they did — for about two weeks. He got to bump uglies with, quote, “a cute, young American girl,” she got to see the jungle. Well then.

And this is not a new thing. Lots of little college folk are doing it. It kind of makes me sad that I am no longer an undergrad. Anyway, on the one hand, this is … wildly disturbing, on the other hand it makes sense. I mean, at least she wasn’t flashing her tits for nothing or something, I guess. I’m just saying, if any of you guys out there hear some chick whining about something she wants? See what she’s willing to trade for it. Maybe she’ll barter for a sausage sandwich.

David Duchovny has issued a statement requesting privacy for him and his family as he goes through this difficult time. The X-Files actor and Twins Peaks alum has been married to “actress” Tea Leoni for over a decade now.

I can just picture Double D locked up in his room and fiending for hookers, hands shackled above his head so he doesn’t masturbate himself in to a coma. Sex is the one addiction I don’t get. You say you find yourself thinking about sex constantly? All the time? Like once a minute almost? My God!! Get this man a doctor!!!!!!!!!

And I wonder what the treatment is? Maybe they just make you look at naked pictures of Bea Arthur all day while a midget intermittently hits your junk with an electric flyswatter. If only.

…seriously, though, only if you have money.

Okay, maybe I’m jaded. Actually, I’m jealous. Some dude here in New York won $3 million on a rinky dink scratch card — and then gave it to a church. This saddens me, the same way it saddens me when crazy old people leave tons of money to their pets. So, to alleviate my depression — brought on solely by the fact that I will never, ever make $3 million, unless my girl parts turn to gold in the middle of the night and I can go walk the high class ho stroll — I’ve crafted a conspiracy.

No, really. The church is a non profit church. They likely will not have to pay any taxes for this windfall. And I think the pastor is in secret cahoots with Mr. Anonymous donor, because it makes me feel better.

I want you guys to feel depressed and poor too. There is a video and some Prozac waiting for you (more…)

I don’t know why this movie, dubbed ‘The Black Bourne Identity’ , hasn’t got more attention. It stars Don Cheadle, who is a pimp, and was conceived by the legendary Steve Martin, who despite his funny-man persona is a lights out writer. Whenever good actors star in movies that look sweet but get no publicity, there is only one logical conclusion, and that is it sucks donkey balls. I don’t want this movie to suck donkey balls, but the facts don’t lie.

As much as I can’t stand Vin Diesel, he is a legitimate action star who has been in some decent movies(Pitch Black, Boiler Room, Saving Private Ryan!). But for every good flick, there is a film ten times shittier to cancel it out (A Man Apart, The Pacifier). Babylon A.D. will have some stellar action sequences, and Vin Diesel will talk in gruff low voice through much of the picture, which is good, but you’ll be begging for xXx by the time this one is finished.

The trailers are really good though (more…)

It’s been a long, long time since Kate Moss was considered a golden girl, though artist Marc Quinn seems to have other ideas. The newest gold statue of Miss Moss follows in the tradition of Quinn’s other Kate sculptures — that is, she’s apparently twisted up in a yoga pose with her feet behind her ears, a position she’s probably used to — because, you know, I’m sure she does yoga a lot.

Kate Moss, supermodel and coke fiend extraordinaire, has been the fodder for a lot of art works, a lot of them fairly freaky … but she’s not the only starlet to be immortalized. So, let’s pretend to be pop art connoisseurs, what do you say? There are some hot mess masterpieces, right (more…)

I thought I would have to get terminal illness and have my request granted by the Make-A-Wish foundation before I was blessed enough to see Paul Walker and Vin Diesel on screen together again.

In this trailer for The Fast and the Furious 4, Vin Deisel and his gang of loveable felonious misifits attempt to hijack a truck six miles long while it’s moving. Oh yeah, and it’s filled with gas. Wouldn’t it be easier to invade and take over the entire nation of Saudia Arabia? Probably, but then Vin wouldn’t get to do sweet reverse 180s in his pimped out muscle car.

Watch big daddy Vin Diesel tear it up in the trailer (more…)

Tori Praver: Hawaiian hottie. This up and comer only got started in 2006, but with the 2007 and 2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Editions under her belt, she’s well on her way to causing wet dreams the world over. She also has the unique distinction of being able to pull off both steaming hot photos and haughty haute couture.

She’s part apple pie pretty and part sex kitten — half Anna Nicole Smith (right down to the Guess job, but without the fat, the drugs, or the crazy) and half Denise Richards (except her lips aren’t quite taking over her face and she hasn’t bagged a d-bag of Charlie Sheen’s caliber). The best things she’s got going for her? She’s only 22, her legs go up to her eyeballs, and she looks like this in a bikini:

Keep an eye on this girl. In fact, you can start right (more…)

Ass cancer. It’s no joke. It’s not funny, man. So when you see an ad, featuring a little boy saying that he’s “dumbfounded,” because he somehow managed to get colon cancer while he’s basically still a fetus, your first instinct is to go, “Awww … the poor fetus has ass cancer!” And then you become dumbfounded, because the little guy caught the cancer from … hot dogs! The phallic shaped foodstuff of America itself! So you could have the ass cancer too, couldn’t you?

No. No, because the anti hot dog, pro ass cancer commercial just put out by “The Cancer Project,” was a big, fat lie. None of the kids in the ad even have cancer. The society is standing behind their ad, but even the American Cancer Society says it’s so much fecal matter and blasted the campaign for the kind of scare tactics that will ultimately make kids think they’re going to get cancer if they eat a cafeteria hot dog.

Honestly, at least the ASPCA commercial that makes me cry like a little bitch every time I see it has animals that have really lost eyes and junk. So watch this commercial. Memorize what these little ass nuggets look like. And if you ever see them on the street, throw hot dogs at them.

Brace yourself for this blinding B.S., (more…)